Month: January 2015

I Wish I was Different

“So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them.”

                                        – Charlie (The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

I’ve been plagued with so many ‘what ifs’ for months now – what if I was born in a different place and time; what if I’m not the middle child; what if I hadn’t met him and a lot more. It’s depressing when thoughts like these creep in and I just can’t stop them at all. I feel hopeless sometimes. This is one of those nights where I’m seriously thinking what if everything has been totally different.

I wish I could be like that girl. I wish I could be like them who can go out anytime they want to, who can mingle with anyone they feel comfortable with, and who can be in a place where you can maximize what you have learned in college. It’s a pity to think I can never be any of them.

A lot of people have told me, “You’re better than that. You’re capable of doing more than that.” Yeah, I think so too. It’s just that…I can’t. I can’t do it because of reasons others may find ridiculous and pathetic. These are reasons which can either make or break me for the rest of my life. In a society where beauty is defined by the clarity and smoothness of your skin, your height and overall physical appearance; and where success is measured by your rank, salary grade, popularity to some extent and your loads of daily work, I can’t help but be envious.

Image credits to owner
Image credits to owner

I wish I had a lot of money. I’d probably have surgery (not on the face though, but some sort of skin surgery). I’d definitely go on a travel spree or better yet settle abroad where I can be in a totally different environment and meet new people whom I’ll share great experiences with. I wish.

It’s not that I’m ungrateful for what I am and what I have right now, I just feel at times that some people are so much more fortunate than I am. A lot of those I know are back in school, others even studying abroad, some are happily married and are already starting their own family and here I am, sitting in front of my laptop at least half a day every day doing my job and watching variety shows/ movies/ series online, reading novels, writing blogs like this during my free time.

I guess my boredom (although I always have something to do in my cozy space at home) plus the occasional ‘not so good events’ at home are starting to take their toll on me. I’m blessed being able to work from home and meet a lot of nice students every day. My stress level, to tell you honestly, had greatly declined since I changed my job last year. Perhaps, what I need to do now is seriously get a writing job so I can feel that kind of pressure and joy which I used to feel when I was still taking up Communication Research back in the University and for extra income as well to fund my travel expenses.

Okay. There. I feel so much better now. I just had to vent out. I might as well finish this book which I’ve been reading for about a month now. ‘Tis long overdue.

.

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Spending My Day in the Metro: A First for 2015

Going to the Metro is quite an event for me since I decided working at home from May of last year. It happened the other day, January 18, 2015 – a first for this year.

It’s Sunday. I woke up very early at 6:00 in the morning. I lazed in bed until 6:20. These ‘bed’ weather and four hours of sleep were forcing me to postpone my agenda for that day. In the end though, I was able to fight back the temptation of sleeping again. I got up and prepared to leave at 8:00.

By 8:30 in the morning, it started to rain. Just in time, I rode a bus bound for Ortigas. It took me only an hour and a half to get to SM Megamall.

I think I arrived around 9:55 because there were still a lot of people lined outside the mall. I was early as expected. Anyway, after a few minutes, I’m inside this big mall and went straight to Papemelroti, a store which features handcrafted products, located in the lower ground floor. I grabbed the opportunity to buy additional notebooks which I use in writing my favorite book quotes. I bought three, so now, I have a total of nine mini notebooks at home.

My new mini notebooks
My new mini notebooks
My other mini notebooks. :)
My other mini notebooks. 🙂

At around 10:30, I’m already in the 4th floor of St. Francis building (the building just across SM Megamall). I have a couple of minutes to spare so I rested at the bench outside the auditorium with three others also killing time. It’s good to see an old couple, sitting beside me, having their breakfast together – coffee and sandwiches. I don’t usually see old couples spending such precious time in public so I tried really hard to suppress my smile. I don’t want them to notice me and then spoil their precious moment together.

At 10:50, we all went up to the auditorium located in the 5th floor. At exactly 11:00, we were already singing songs of praises to the Lord. The Sunday service in CCF has started. It’s been over a year since I last step foot in church. I felt ashamed and guilty for not giving the Lord the time that He deserves. I was overwhelmed with emotions and while singing the worship songs, I burst into tears. I felt the Holy Spirit embracing me and at that time, I knew, God misses me a lot. It was such a great feeling to finally be able to get on my feet and sing of His glory together with all the other churchgoers. It’s true that we can praise and glorify God in private but it’s better to be able to do it with your other brothers and sisters in Christ as well. I know, it was all on me. I had so many excuses that’s why I have not been able to go to church for ages. But now, I want to go to church for as much as I can. It may not be weekly, but definitely not once a year nor semi-annually.

The topic in this service was about Spirit-filled Living. The message was shared by Pastor Peter Tan-Chi. Here’s an excerpt:

What it means to be filled with the Spirit:

The best evidence of being Spirit-filled is Christlikeness. To be filled with the Spirit is to become more like Christ day by day. A Spirit-filled person overflows with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

In addition, as Christians, we should live our lives in a way that pleases the Lord which means obeying your parents, following the authorities and subjecting yourselves to your husbands (this goes for the wives). These are all indicated in the Bible and Pastor Tan- Chi gave such wonderful explanations of God’s Words. This part hits me most especially the obeying your parents’ part (actually, it always does every time I hear it in church). We may find some of our parents’ decisions (concerning our lives of course) as absurd and unreasonable. I know. It happened to me a couple of times, but just like what the Bible says in Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Yes, we should always obey our parents. Some things can go out of hand at times, but we can be assured of the fact that God will always be in charge.

The service ended around 1:00 in the afternoon. I really felt good after it. It was like the tears I cried in the first 10 minutes of the service included all the pains I’ve been trying to hide these past few months. God took away all my burdens.  He definitely did. He lightened up my load so I no longer have to bear it alone. For that, I am utterly grateful.

After the service, I went straight to SM Megamall’s Foodcourt as I can hear my tummy already calling out for food. I ordered an ‘overloaded’ Greenwich meal and sat among all the others who were also enjoying their lunch that time. I chose a table in front which only has three chairs in it. I think it would be rude to choose a table which can accommodate at least four people when I am the only one eating there. Anyway, I didn’t feel intimidated. Well…okay, let’s say just 1% intimidation whenever passersby look at me with those sort of questioning eyes. This isn’t my first time eating alone (though it’s my first time eating alone in this place specifically) so it’s no longer a big deal to me. I’m eating and I’m having a big lunch so that’s all that matter.

I finished my meal at quarter to two and decided to wander around so I can be sure that I no longer have to go to the washroom (if you know what I mean). As expected, I found myself buried in hundreds of books in Book Sale. Man, this place is a paradise! Books are way, way cheaper in stores like this and at that time, they were also on sale, so it couldn’t get any better. It was also good to see a lot of people here. Although the place was quite crowded, I still managed to go through all the shelves searching for books that will catch my attention. To tell you the truth, it’s really hard for me to walk into a bookstore and walk out without at least a book or two in my hands. So the result? I got my first two new books for this year! Hear ye! I think I hit a jackpot in these books. I’m looking forward to reading these soon.

new books for 2015
Jackpot!!

I also asked the Book Sale staff if they have the Revolutionary Life of Che Guevarra or any other books about Che Guevarra and Animal Farm by George Orwell (I already have 1984 and I’m looking into more of Orwell’s works) but he said they don’t have any of those. I was hoping to buy either of these two books that day on a much cheaper price but since they don’t have it, I think I’ll be purchasing brand new copies within the year instead. 🙂

I decided to go home at around 3:00 in the afternoon. It was raining hard the moment I stepped out of the mall. Good thing though only a few people were in the waiting area. There were also several buses bound for Malanday so I got on one in no time. The travel was yet again a breeze and I got home at around 4:45 in the afternoon.

I originally planned to open classes that night, perhaps around 8:00 in the evening but decided against it since I wanted to cover my new books right away (I always have stocks of scotch tapes and plastic cover at home ready to welcome them). I got everything done then and slept at around 11 in the evening (it’s rare for me to sleep this early actually).

So that’s how my day went. It’s by far, the best day of the year for me (to think that 2015 has just started). I am thankful that I was able to attend church again. I am truly happy to be able to ‘travel’ alone again. I really love riding buses on my own, seeing the raindrops on my window and listening to music. That’s peace right there. I miss that kind of feeling and I am really glad to experience it for the nth time last Sunday (I used to travel at least four hours a day for five days a week for more than three years when I was still working in a BPO).

Of course, flashbacks usually occur during my ‘quiet’ times. They always come even though I never invite them (not even once did I invite them). When the most unwanted memories creep in, I can only let out a deep sigh. I wish forgetting is as easy as emptying a cup of coffee. But it can’t be helped. That’s just the way it is. Despite all these, I know I’m truly blessed.

Thank You Lord for this memorable day! Thank You for this life! Cheers! 🙂

Something Random: Pick One

There are times when you can’t sleep no matter how much you want to. So better use that time wisely. You can spend the night by reading a book, listening to music or by writing or listing something…something random.

I did just that. So here’s the result – a dose of my randomness.

1. Books or Boys
Answer: Books. All books have boys, but not all boys have books.

IMG-20131031-00398

book collage

2. Ball pen or Sign pen
Answer
: Ball pen. It’s cheaper.

my favorite ballpen
my favorite ballpen

3. Sneakers or Heels
Answer: Sneakers. It’s much much much much more comfortable than heels.

4. Best Buy Planner or Starbucks Planner
Answer
: Best Buy Planner. Practicality is the best policy.

IMG-20150116-01260

5. Lipstick or Chapstick
Answer
: Chapstick. Only Chapstick.

chapstick

6. Milk or Coffee
Answer
: Coffee. Coffee. More coffee.

coffee collage

7. Novels or Magazines
Answer: Novels. I gotta read more of these!

IMG-20130821-00170_1377056285557_o

8. House or Mall
Answer: House. It got everything for me.

9. Qwerty or Touch Screen
Answer
: Qwerty. The cons of having sweaty hands. Sucks man!

10. Tees or Blouses
Answer
: Tees. Especially vintage and statement shirts.

11. Library or Coffee Shop
Answer
: Coffee Shop. I can bring books in a coffee shop, but I can’t bring coffee in a library.

12. Laptop or Desktop
Answer
: Laptop. It’s such a space saver.

my laptop

13. Beach or Mountain
Answer
: Beach. I don’t literally have to go against the gravity in this place.

Coral View, Bataan circa 2013
Coral View, Bataan circa 2013

14. Cookies or Chips
Answer
: Cookies. They go well with hot coffee.

15. Shorts or Skirts
Answer: Shorts. Not the girly type.

16. Mysterious or Open Book
Answer
: Mysterious. Still waters run deep.

17. Smoker or Drinker
Answer
: Drinker. I can tolerate drinking to some extent, but not smoking. Never.

EDSA Central circa 2011
EDSA Central circa 2011

18. Bowl or Plate
Answer
: Bowl. Mix everything then eat.

bowl collage

Pork Tonkatsu with Double Choco Milkshake at Bubble Tea_170513

19. Spoon & Fork or Chopsticks
Answer
: Spoon & Fork. I don’t even know how to use chopsticks. Poor me.

20. Sweet or Bitter
Answer
: Bitter. Bitter chocolates are definitely healthier.

21. Morning or Evening
Answer
: Evening. I believe I’m a vampire.

22. Rice or Bread
Answer
: Rice. Bread will never be enough.

23. Backpacks or Shoulder bags
Answer
: Backpacks. Always on the go.

backpack

24. Bus or Train
Answer
: Bus. I can sleep here.

25. Cap or Beanie
Answer: Cap. I think I look better in it.

26. Rocker or Balladeer
Answer
: Rocker. There’s just something more in them.

27. Long haired or Short haired guys
Answer
: Long haired. Just because.

long haired guys
credits to owners

28. Pink or Black
Answer
: Black. ‘Tis a no-brainer.

29. Cab or Jeepney.
Answer
: Cab. I don’t like stop overs.

30. Math or English.
Answer
: English. Truly, madly, deeply.

31. Spaghetti or Carbonara
Answer
: Carbonara. I prefer my pasta white.

Xocolat 2013
Xocolat circa 2013

32. Fastfood or Real food
Answer
: Real food. Nothing beats the genuine thing.

33. 2NE1 or Girl’s Generation
Answer
: 2NE1. “This is for all the Blackjack out there! 2015! Are you ready!?”– CL (SBS Gayo 2014)

34. WINNER or GOT7
Answer
: Winner. But uhm, Mark and Bambam are oh so fine as well.

jinwoo gif
credits to owner
credits to owner
credits to owner

35. YG or SM
Answer: YG. Cheers to all the YG Stans!

36. Running Man or 2 Days and 1 Night
Answer
: Running Man. SpartaKook and Monday Couple for the win!

37. Japan or Korea.
Answer
: Japan. Animes first before Idols.

credits to owners
credits to owners

38. Korean Cuisine or Japanese Cuisine
Answer
: Korean. I just can’t get enough of Kimchi, Bibimbap and Japchae.

39. Barcelona or Paris.
Answer: Barcelona. Been dreaming of this since time immemorial. Will go to Paris after.

40. Europe or America.
Answer: Europe. I think I’m better off there.

41. Movie date or Dinner date.
Answer
: Movie date. At home while having dinner.

42. Twitter or Facebook.
Answer
: Twitter. I prefer flooding my Twitter news feed with all sorts of randomness.

43. WordPress or Blogspot.
Answer
: WordPress. I got acquainted with this first.

44. Forgive or Forget
Answer
: Forgive. Always. My sharp memory refuses to forget.

45. More or Less.
Answer: Less. Less is more.

46. Rainy or Summer season
Answer: Rainy. It’s always easier to warm up than to cool down.

47. Jessie J or Riri
Answer: Jessie J. Definitely..definitely Jessie J!!

48. Coco Martin or Piolo Pascual
Answer
: Coco Martin. I prefer his acting style.

49. Sarah G or Bea Alonzo
Answer
: Sarah G. All around performer, box-office queen, best leading lady, down to earth. I’m such a fan!

50. The Voice or American Idol
Answer
: The Voice. I used to like American Idol…I didn’t know about The Voice then.

51. 2D or 3D
Answer: 2D. Japanese anime freak right here.

52. Pokemon or Digimon
Answer: Pokemon. Pikachu and Ash forever!!

credits to owner
credits to owner

53. Mojacko or Doraemon
Answer: Doraemon. I can do a lot with all the gadgets he has!

54. MBLAQ or BEAST
Answer: MBLAQ. Cheondung-oppa and his laughter is the best ever! (Although Joon and Cheondung are no longer members of this group)

55. Big Bang or 2PM
Answer: Big Bang. No questions asked.

56. First Male Lead or Second Male Lead in K-Dramas
Answer: Second Male Lead. I think I have this so called Second Male Lead syndrome.

57. Kim Woo Bin or Lee Min Ho
Answer: Kim Woo Bin. He’s the best thing that has ever happened in my life. ❤

credits to owner
credits to owner
credits to owner
credits to owner
credits to owner
credits to owner

See this link if you want to further indulge. http://www.dramafever.com/news/15-times-we-couldnt-resist-kim-woo-bins-charm/ and/ or watch The Heirs and School 2013. He’s definitely one of the best model-turned-actor in Korea right now! 🙂

Okay. I’m off to dreamland. 🙂

(Images used are mine, unless indicated otherwise)