Month: March 2014

There is Learning in Losing

There is learning in losing.

Na-inspire ako magsulat matapos kong mapanood ang isang episode ng Glee 5. Isa ‘yun sa mga episodes na naantig ang puso ko. Talo ang New Directions sa Nationals. Kahit ako nanghinayang. They’ve been wanting to win the National Tournament for the late Finn Hudson.

Noong innanounce na ang nanalo, napaisip ako, ilang beses na nga ba ako natalo? Ilang beses na nga ba akong umiyak dahil sa pagkatalo?

Umiral na naman ang pagiging emo ko. Hindi ko na naman tuloy mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko.

Ang dami. Ang dami-daming beses ko nang natalo.

Elementary. May isang grading period noong nasa Grade 6 pa ‘ko na nawala ako sa Top 10. Naging Top 11 yata ako nun. Takot. Lungkot. ‘Yan ang mga naramdaman ko. Big deal eh. Sobrang big deal kasi sa akin noon ang makapagtapos nang may medalya na nagawa ko rin naman kalaunan. Nakabawi ako nung 4th grading. Buti na lang.

Highschool. Sa paglipas ng mga taon, natanggap ko nang hindi habambuhay eh masasabitan ako ng medalya ng mga magulang ko. Special award na lang ako nung graduation ng Highschool- Class Artist, dahil kasali ako noon sa Teatro. Hindi na rin naman ganun katindi ang pagnanasa kong magkaroon ng medalya. Tanggap ko na eh. Salamat sa Trigo, Calculus, Algebra at Physics, napatunayan kong mas mahusay talaga ako sa Earth Science, Social Studies, English at Filipino.

College. Kamuntik na akong maging Cum Laude. 1.62 final GWA ko nun. ‘Yun nga lang may tres ako sa Inferential Statistics. Kaya nagpaalam na rin ako sa medalyang ‘yun.

Tinanggap ko na rin naman ang katotohanang mahina talaga ako sa malalimang usapan ng matematika. Pero noong kolehiyo, narealize kong may silbi naman pala ang mga pinaghalong letra at numero sa isang equation o sa isang sentence. ‘Yung mga natutunan ko sa Inferential Statistics, gamit na gamit ko ngayon sa mga pananaliksik at pag-aaral na ginagawa ko. Nakakatuwa lang.

Employee mode on. Dumating ang panahon para magtrabaho at kumita na ‘ko ng sarili kong pera. Sabi ko noon bago ako magmartsa na hindi na ako babalik sa pagsagot sa mga tawag ng mga taong nasa ibang kontinente ng mundo. Ayun, fail. Talo. Kinain ko mga sinabi ko. Matapos ang isang buwan simula noong grumaduate ako nagsimula na ‘kong magtraining ULIT (yung una nagworking student ako ng isang semester sa call center sa Makati) sa call center.

Hindi naging madali kainin ang pride, ang hiya, ang insekuridad. Naiinggit ako sa mga kasabayan ko noon na nagsimula nang mag-MA o kaya nasa isang research firm o sa kung ano pa mang organisasayon kung saan nagagamit nila ang mga natutunan namin sa apat na taong pamumuhay bilang isang Communication Research student. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, mas matalino pa ‘ko sa trabahong ‘to eh. ‘Yung mga gusto at dapat kong gawin, hindi ko naman maisasakatuparan dito. Pero mas pinili kong maging praktikal. Gusto ko makaipon para makapag-aral ulit. May kasama na ring takot dun- takot na lumabas sa comfort zone. Kahit kasi nakapikit, alam na alam mo na gagawin eh. Isa pa, napamahal na rin sa ‘kin ang mga katrabaho ko at kahit na ang mismong trabaho ko.

Call Center days. Sa higit tatlong taon kong pananatili sa trabahong ‘to, gabundok na stress at depression ang ininda ko. Samu’t-saring sakit sa katawan na halos itumba na ‘ko nang buong-buo.

Tuberculosis. Ayaw ko pang maniwala noon na may ganito akong sakit. Kumuha pa ‘ko ng 2nd opinion at umiyak sa harap ng doktor. Sabi naman niya hindi daw ako dapat matakot dahil hindi na naman ganun nakakamatay ang tb. May gamot na kasi para dito. Noong mga unang lingo, in denial pa ‘ko eh. Pero sa huli, kailangan ko ulit tanggapin na kailangang tulungan ko na ang sarili ko para gumaling. Siyam na buwan akong pabalik-balik noon sa doktor, bumili ng mga gamot at nasanay sa company ng sarili ko lang.

Severe acne. Grabe isa pa ‘to eh. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na ang panget-panget-panget mo dahil sa dami ng taghiyawat mo sa mukha. ‘Yung pagtitinginan ka at yung iba eh maglalakas pa ng loob na tanungin ka kung anong nangyari sa mukha mo. May mga pimples na naman ako dati pa pero bearable naman noon. Nung nagtrabaho lang talaga lumala ng husto. Mas nadepress pa ‘ko dito kesa sa tb eh. Dumating ako sa puntong tuwing pag-uwi ko galing trabaho eh magkukulong na lang ako sa kwarto at iiyak na lang ng iiyak.

Durog na puso. In other words, broken hearted. Ang oa lang? Pero pagdating talaga sa pag-ibig, I was never the first. Never nga ba? Well, sa isang kaso lang naman. ‘Yung sa iba wala na ‘kong pakialam. Sa taong sobra kong minahal pero wala rin namang napuntahan. Hindi natuloy sa isang relasyon, sa isang commitment. Talo ko eh. May iba siyang mahal. Pakiramdam ko naging rebound lang ako. Sa tinagal-tagal ng pagsasama namin, isa lang akong rebound. Panakip butas. Ito talaga naramdaman ko. Ewan ko para sa kanya. Marami akong tanong na naghahanap ng sagot. Pero sa kaso naming dalawa, mabuti pang ‘wag ko na lang ipilit ang paghahanap pa sa mga sagot na ‘yun. Ang daya lang. Ako tatlong taon nang nasa moving on stage. Siya, matagal nang naka-move on.

Nakakapagod. Nakakababa ng moral. At sobrang nakakadepress. ‘Yan ang mga naramdaman ko. Hinihiling ko noon, kahit isang beses lang manalo naman ako ng bonggang-bongga sa aspetong gusto kong mapanalunan. Obvious na naman ang kinalabasan. Nanalo ako. Nanalo ako dahil hanggang ngayon buhay pa ko. Peklat na lang ang nakita sa X-ray ko matapos ang siyam na buwang gamutan. ‘Yung mga taghiyawat ko, present pa rin pero hindi na naman ganun kalala. I know I have to live with these pimples forever.

Natutunan kong mahalin na rin ang math. Hindi ko na rin naman matatakasan ‘to. Pagdating sa tb, mas kailangan ko na talagang mag-ingat. Huwag masyadong magpakapagod at mastress. Ang acne, hindi naman talaga totally nakokontrol at sa kaso ko eh, hindi na talaga mawawala. Pero dapat pa ring laging maging malinis at huwag matutulog nang hindi naghihilamos. Kapag nadagdagan dahil sa puyat o kung ano pa man, chill na lang din. Panahon-panahon talaga kasi ‘yan eh.

Natutunan at napatunayan kong hinding-hindi ko talaga makakatuluyan ang aking greatest love. Dahil ang greatest love ko ay hindi ang correct love. At waiting pa rin ang status ko sa correct love na yan. Ilang taon pa baa ng bibilangin ko? Hindi bale, alam ko namang si Lord na ang bahala diyan.

Sa huli, marami pa rin talaga akong dapat ipagpasalamat. Looking back, I have realized how strong I’ve become and how God never left my side. Salamat rin sa pamilya at mga kaibigan ko.

Ayan, hindi na ‘ko masyadong emo. Totoo nga, there is learning in losing. Masakit matalo. Masayang manalo. Balanse lang. Ganyan talaga buhay. Salamat Lord sa lahat-lahat!!

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Thank You ATENEO

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Wow!!! What a match that was!! Ateneo Lady Eagles and La Salle Lady Spikers, yet again, didn’t fail to give the fans a one great, great show!! They poured their hearts out there and never gave up ‘til the end.

As a Lady Eagles fan since the time of Charo Soriano, I am just very very happy to see this team win the championship for the 1st time ever. What made this victory even more special is because of the fact that this is actually the first season that these players: Alyssa Valdez, Amy Ahomiro, Ella De Jesus, Michelle Morente, Aeriael Patnongon and Den-den Lazaro have come together to play. And oh, not to forget their newest coach, a foreign coach from Thailand, Coach  Anusorn ‘Tai’ Bundit. Who would’ve thought that this relatively new and inexperienced team would reach the finals and win the title? Definitely none..at least for the first few games in the elimination.

I, personally, haven’t thought that they would win the championship, knowing how strong La Salle is coming off from three straight championship titles and the Lady Bulldogs with such strong line up as well. But I am still hopeful. And it happened! It really did happen!!

After seeing the Ateneo Lady Eagles fought their way in the elimination, firstly against Adamson Lady Falcons and then against the twice-to-beat NU Lady Bulldogs, I came to strongly believe that with the kind of Ateneo team we have in this season 76, everything and anything is possible.

The Blue Squad showed they really want to win the championship. They showed how much they love the fans by beating their personal bests in every game. They played with everything they got. And in the end..they won their very first UAAP Volleyball title! I couldn’t be more grateful to the players, Coach Tai and everyone in the Ateneo Volleyball program for giving us fans a really great series.

Thank you Ateneo! You are the epitome of a NEVER SAY DIE team in UAAP Volleyball!!

*Photo credits to owner

My Own Stranger

This was originally written in 2008.

“Each human being is unique, each with their own qualities, instincts, forms of pleasure and desire for adventure. However, society imposes on us a collective way of behaving and people never stop to wonder why they should behave like that.”

– Dr. Igor (Veronika Decides to Die, by Paulo Coelho)

Humans are created according to God’s image. We exist because of His awesome power to create and sustain us with all the strength, wisdom, knowledge and courage that we will be needing every time we wake up in the morning. He gave us everything we have and will continue to do so. Most of all, He gave us life. And He gave us this life to enjoy everything.

Though we are all created by one Supreme Being, still each man is unique. Each being definitely showcases his/her differences to other people whether directly or indirectly. We all have our own points of view, beliefs, traditions or the so-called “culture” that we stand up on. Because of this, we cannot help and avoid being a “STRANGER” to our family, friends, to the nation and even to ourselves.

For the past 18 years of my life, I have gone through such situations of being a “STRANGER.” And I think my most unforgettable “stranger” experiences took place the moment I passed all my requirements for college admittance.

Posters and statements bearing straightforward outcries like “Oust Gloria!” are the ones, during my time, who will welcome you the moment you enter the premises of the main campus of the Polytechnic University of the Philippines in Sta. Mesa, Manila. For a college newbie like me who have spent the past 11 years growing up and studying in a conservative and Christian institution, sites like these were undoubtedly strange.

Back then, having stepped my feet in a University which they referred to as a “dwelling place for activists,” I felt really strange- a true stranger I should say. I was not even sure if I can afford on to this kind of environment for the whole four years of my college life. The feeling was like I have left my world and went to another planet of which I am not certain of what is in store for me.

I wandered my eyes around the campus and saw a different environment- different from what I used to see before. I felt a different atmosphere- different from what I have felt before. Some students do not even look like a student because of their outfits. Others appeared like they have been studying for the past 30 years of their lives. And the classrooms are a lot different compared to the rooms that I have been going onto in the past. There are only two available electric fans and none of them are working. Though two out of four fluorescent lamps are on their best, still, it’s not enough to totally light up the whole room. Furthermore, we are the ones who have to fix the chairs and clean the area to get ready for the next class, not the janitors. These are totally strange for me.

But as my stay in this University progresses, I was able to overcome my being a “STRANGER”. In fact, I was able to totally get used to it, since I am already here for three years now. After a five-month adjustment period, I have finally considered myself a bonafide PUPian.

I then started venturing out of the four-cornered rooms. I began finding a life outside the life that I have always had. I have discovered a lot, realized much and until now, I am experiencing these. Above all, I have learned things that I have not learned during my preparatory, elementary and high school days.

And I was successful in finding a new avenue for myself. I joined them. I learn with them. I fight with them. For more than five months, I have been mingling with them after school hours. Of course, after that, I still have to face another day of my academic life and hours at home- as a daughter and as a sister. I started feeling “STRANGER” again. I just felt that I am a different person now- different from the one they have known ever since especially to my old friends and my family. I am not a new person who has changed totally though. I can say that I am a much better person now who knows how to accept the reality of this society and who knows how to respond to that. It is not that easy to communicate al my thoughts to the people whom I have known for more than five years because during those times, I was just a typical high school student driven by my goal to finish the race with flying colors, just that. Now, I am living and driven with more than that in mind. I know I have lots to accomplish as a daughter, as a student, as a Filipino and most importantly, as a child of God.

Living out of your box is not bad at all as long as you know you are on the right track. For my friends and to all those that I truly love and cherish, I may be deviant at times and certainly hard to understand. But their continuous support and love for me keep me going. I know they are proud of me. They really are. And I know my Father up there feels the same way too. I do not want to disappoint them especially Him that is why I am doing my very best to give back all the glory and honor that He deserves.

You become a stranger the moment you stop conforming to the majority’s actions and ways. You become a stranger the instance you decide to think twice if the world where you’re at right now is the world where you belong. Indeed, I am a STRANGER. And I cannot avoid being one because in a way or another, we are all strangers to our family, to our friends, to the nation and even to ourselves. I am definitely MY OWN STRANGER.

What is reality- “It’s what the majority seem it to be. It’s not necessarily the best or most logical, but it’s one that supports the desires of the society as a whole.”

– Dr. Igor (Veronika Decides to Die, by Paulo Coelho)

Sarbey

Para sa isang taong mahilig sa tanungan. May limang taon na rin simula noong una ko ‘tong sinulat. Ang mga sagot sa sarbey sa ibaba ay totoong nanggaling sa aking mga kaklase. Naging pampawala ko na rin kasi ng antok ang pagsasarbey noon. 😀

Sa apat na taong inilagi ko sa PUP sintang paaralan, marami-raming propesor na rin ang aking nakadaupang palad. Mayroong mga propesor na tumatak na sa aking puso’t isipan dahil sa angkin nilang talino sa kung ano mang asignaturang kanilang itinuturo at pati na rin sa kanilang kagalingan sa pagbabahagi ng kanilang kaalaman at karanasan sa kanilang mga estudyante. Sa kabilang banda, mayroon namang mga propesor na sa buong semestre ng kanyang pagtuturo, bawat araw ay hinihiling ko na sana’y matapos na lamang ang kanyang klase sa isang kisapmata. Ang dahilan? Lubha kasing nakakaantok at pareho lang din naman ang matutunan kapag binasa ko ang aking libro. Sa madaling sabi, mas mabuti pang ang libro na lang ang aking basahin at pag-aralan.

May isang tagpo sa isang klase ng mga estudyanteng nasa ikatlong lebel kung saan minabuti ng isang tagaroon na magpakalat ng sarbey upang labanan ang antok na dulot ng porma ng pagtuturo ng kanyang propesor sa asignaturang _ _ _ _ _. Para na rin may pagkaabalahan siya habang hinihintay na lumipas ang isa’t kalahating oras. Heto ang mga nakuha niyang kasagutan mula sa tanong na kanyang ipinikalat na nakasulat sa kalahating piraso ng yellow pad.

November 20, 2008

ANG TANONG: Ano ang iyong masasabi sa porma ng nagyayaring talakayan sa _ _ _ _ _?

ANG MGA SAGOT:

– Muntik na kong maganahang makinig…sobrang enjoy…enjoy matulog…

– The [WEATHER REPORT] à kanta ni Cynthia Alexander. Iyan ang magiging theme song ng _ _ _ _ _ class ng bichiar kay Ma’am!!! Waahah BACK OFF!!!

– Ay? No comment (with matching drawing ng isang mukhang hindi maintindihan na may malaking tenga sabay sabing…) à ang ingay ni ____!

– Di ko alam kung manhid siya o ayaw lang niyang tanggapin na hindi siya karapat dapat pakinggan! Sana pala nagdala ako ng BANIG! Pampatulog ang boses ni ____ à REPLY Hahaha!

– Anong oras na?!

– Nagiging one way ang talakayan. Mabuti pang wag na siyang magturo. Ni hindi man lang niya magawang tumayo sa kinauupuan niya. Sad but true. L

– anu toh?? Sama niu! Ibibigay ko toh kay ____!

– wahah! Tara ibigay nten! Baka sakaling pag-alis niya ng rum na 2 at pgkabasa nito eh magreflect siya!! J

– NAYZ! Good sajeschon!

–  eniweiz, ang bad niyo kay ____. ____ worthy of our atenxon nman e…you know. Sortah kindah chorvah…eniwei may mesaj ako kay ____…____…GET LOST…(with matching super duper smiling fez) haha! JOWK LANG!

– kawawa naman si ____…kawawa rin po tau…

– BORING L

– ang nakabibinging katahimikan sa klase ni ____ ay manipestasyon na may na222nan tayo sa klaseng ito.”Those who think they know it all, annoy us who do”

– kasalanan ba ni ____ kung lagi siyang inaatake ng arthritis? At least wala siyang sore throat, -à DAPAT MAG-ARTHRICIN O KAYA MAG-PAU SI ____ o kung di epektib, manood siya ng Wowowee! Araw2! Wahaha!

– homeroom subject ata napasukan ko (nap time, haha!) Sayang!

– anung kaguluhan toh? Paphotocopy ko toh yih taz pasa kay ____ kasama s nxt assign, hakhak. Alala ko si _ _ _ – _ _ _ _, peo atleast c _ _ _ – _ _ _ _ tumatayo. Hekhekk!

– (drawing ng isang kamay na nakapormang—WHATEVER!)

Lumipas na nga ang isa’t kalahating oras. Marami-raming sagot din ang nakalap niya at nalabanan na rin niya ang antok. Salamat sa sarbey. Uwian na!

The Most Heartwarming Letter to a Friend that I Have Ever Read

Sharing this letter which really moved me and gave me all the reasons to love Sherlock Holmes even more.

My dear Watson (it said):

I write these few lines through the courtesy of Mr Moriarty, who awaits my convenience for the final discussion of those questions which lie between us. He has been giving me a sketch of the methods by which he avoided the English police and kept himself informed of our movements. They certainly confirm the very high opinion which I had formed of his abilities. I am pleased to think that I shall be able to free society from any further effects of his presence, though I fear that it is a cost which will give pain to my friends, and especially, my dear Watson, to you. I have already explained to you, however, that my career had in any case reached its crisis, and that no possible conclusion to it could be more congenial to me than this. Indeed, if I make a full confession to you, I was quite convinced that the letter from Meiringen was a hoax, and I allowed you to depart on that errand under the persuasion that some development of this sort would follow. Tell Inspector Patterson that the papers which he needs to convict the gang are in pigeonhole M., done up in a blue envelope and inscribed “Moriarty.” I made every disposition of my property before leaving England and handed it to my brother Mycroft. Pray give my greetings to Mrs Watson, and believe me to be, my dear fellow,

Very sincerely yours,
Sherlock Holmes

– (The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem, Sherlock Holmes The Complete Novels and Stories Volume 1, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)