SHORTS: Desisyon

It’s been three months since this guy showed up at her place at hanggang ngayon sumusulpot pa rin. Minsan walang pasabi. Pero madalas naman magtetext bago pumunta. Obviously, they already exchanged their numbers. She works from home kaya madalas nasa bahay lang naman talaga siya. Kung may bumisita man sa kanya ng biglaan, may madaratnan sila.

Hindi naman siya nagkulang sa pagpapaalala na wala siyang mapapala pero pabalik-balik pa rin siya at hindi na siya natutuwa sa nangyayari. Ayaw naman niyang maging bastos o kung ano man, dahil hindi siya ganung tao.

“Past 7pm na, umuwi ka na.”

“Ah maya-mayang konti, tapusin ko lang ‘tong hugasin.”

“Wala naman akong naaalalang naghire ako ng kasambahay. Hindi mo kailangang gawin yan.”

Tumawa siya ng bahagya. “Anu ka ba, okay lang nu. Para pagkatapos mo nang work mo, pwede ka nang matulog o kaya manood ng kung ano mang dramang gusto mong panoorin. Weekend naman kaya wala akong ginagawa sa bahay.”

“Hanggang 8pm ka lang dito okay.”

“Yes noted.”

Ganito madalas na scenario. Pupunta siya ng bahay. Magdadala ng paborito niyang dessert at kape o kaya tsaa. Sabay silang kakain tapos maglilinis na siya ng kusina.

Kahit pigilan niya, wala namang epekto. Kahit mag-galit-galitan siya, wala ring epekto. Nakakasira ng araw pero wala siyang magawa.

O baka sobrang mabait lang siya? Baka kailangang mas maging authoritative siya? Kung ano yung gusto niya, yun yung dapat mangyari since bahay naman niya yun at bwisita lang siya. Este bisita. Baka ganun yun dapat niyang gawin. Naisip niya. Susubukan niya yun sa mga susunod na araw. Sana effective.

SHORTS: Usapan. Malabong Usapan

“Ano na namang ginagawa mo dito?”

“Sabi mo I should fix my own shit. Ayun inayos ko na. May dala pala kong cheesecake, favorite mo.”

“And so?”

“So I’m here to tell you that you’ve always been the one…until now.”

“Pwede ba. If I’ve always been the one bakit ngayon lang?”

“I’m sorry. I was scared, I was intimidated. Parang ang hirap mong mareach.”

“Ma-reach? Ako? Kung mahirap akong mareach, wala ako sa harapan mo ngayon. You know what, ang weak mo. And you always tend to blame other people for your weakness when in fact, ikaw ang may pagkukulang. It’s been 10 years. Narealize mo lang ba yung mga pinaggagagawa mo??” Rant. Dang it!!

“I’m really sorry. Kaya ko pala kasama si Jen kasi nagpasama siya. May gusto daw siyang icheck na libro. And I already confronted her about how she acted yesterday. “

“You’ve always been with her. And don’t tell me it’s because she always insists. NO. It’s because you always agree. I’m done here. You can leave.”

“I’m really sorry…”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I should be the one to be sorry. I’m so sorry for falling before. Hindi ko nakontrol emotions ko. Kung nakontrol ko sarili ko nun, I wouldn’t be scarred like this. Nakakafrustrate na nakita pa kita.” Nagulo na naman mundo ko.

“Ginusto mo rin namang makita ako di ba? Hindi ka dadaan sa bookstore kung alam mong nandun ako.”

“Stop it.” Pero totoo. She wanted to see him. And she wanted him to see her.

“I’m really sorry. Just give me one more chance. I’ll prove to you na ikaw talaga.”

“Wag na. Okay na ko.” Okay na kong wala ka.

“Pero ako hindi. Nung nakita kita kahapon, bumalik lahat. And now I’m braver. Alam ko this time, ipaglalaban na kita at mas magpupursige na ko ngayon.”

“Wala kang mapapala.”

“Wala akong pakelam. Just let me do this. Just let me love you.”

SHORTS: Urong- sulong

May mga taong ang hirap intindihin, pero gusto mo pa ring intindihin kahit gaano kahirap.

May mga tao namang gusto mo nang kalimutan, pero hindi mo magawang kalimutan kahit ilang beses mo subukan.

At may mga taong ayaw mo nang mahalin, ayaw mo nang alalahanin, pero hanggang ngayon, hanggang ngayon…minamahal mo pa rin.

Ayoko na.

Ayoko nang may maramdaman.

Pagod na ‘ko.

Pagod na ‘kong masaktan.

Ilang taon na rin anu? Ilang taon na ‘kong pabalik-balik…pabalik-balik.

Tama na.

1st Day of My 31st

Speak of your blessings when you can, express your gratitude when you can and be happy…be genuinely happy.

Yesterday was a busy day for me, like any other “normal” weekday. Woke up early, worked a few hours in the morning, brunch at past 10AM, did some house chores after, back at my desk to work for an hour more, then exercise for two hours (that includes mini breaks and whatnot) and lastly, work again for a few hours in the evening. Oh and not to forget, my entertainment sesh in between- you know, sports games, Jdoramas, K-variety shows and stuff. Started my day at around 6AM and wrapped up past 12 midnight. It was indeed a long day.

But despite all the busyness, I can say that I still felt like it was my birthday, my special day. I never had any grand birthday celebrations in my entire life especially when I started working because there’s just not much time for that and not much budget, of course, plus the fact that it usually falls on a weekday. It may sound depressing, but no, it’s actually not. That’s just how my adult life is. And I’m sure a lot of people are also like me. I’m usually alone on my birthday. Being alone though doesn’t mean we’re lonely. You know, we can always, always be happy and content with our own company and that’s what I’ve come to learn for the past six years at least. Moreover, with the current situation, it’s so hard to go out or even invite friends to come over.

But you know what, yesterday, was probably the happiest I’ve been on my birthday. My siblings were the first to greet me via messenger, Ate and Kuya in law made a quick visit before lunchtime and brought some sweets over, my constants (you know who you are) sent me birthday greetings, also had chikahan moments with some of them (and I so love it because the conversation is unfiltered, sensible and so dynamic with them) and then Ate also sent me a video of my favorite kid in the whole world wishing me a happy birthday! Yeyyyy!!

And add to that, the awareness that another year has been added to my life. I’m already amazed that I’ve lived this long! And I want to live longer…I have to. So aside from doing my best to stay healthy and fit, I think I’m becoming more and more expressive towards my family and friends. Every second is precious!

Thank You Lord for everything, for every single thing- those that I have and even those that I don’t have. Thank You Lord for my family, for my constants (they may be a few but they’re the realest, the kindest, the best-est company and an extension of my family) and thank You for giving me my 31st year! Done with the first day and onto the next 363 days or so now.

And Lord, You know the desires of my heart, but still let Your will be done. Lifting it all up to You! Thank You!

“He is the Rock; His works are perfect and all His ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He.”- Deuteronomy 32:4

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What a beautiful sky on my special day!

Okay, now back to work. 🙂

 

PS. My first blog here after three years!! Wow!! Finally!

SHORTS: Wishful Thinking

“I really should have known better.” I told myself after that hell of a night.

 

Time flies. I hope memories fly away with them too.

 

People change. I hope I change that fast as well.

 

And they forget. I hope I never knew you in the first place.

 

Four years in vain. Oh no, wait, that was six. Yeah six years. I hope…I really hope I’d stop counting soon.

 

Damn it.

SHORTS: Isang Tagpo sa UPD

Sa labas ng Plaridel Hall. Habang naghihintay sa ibang kasama.

 

“O, dito ka pala?! Ano course mo?”

“Ah BroadComm ako. Dito rin ate ko, ComRes siya,” ani ng dati kong kaeskwela.

“Talaga? Ang galing naman,” sagot ko nang abot tenga ang ngiti.

Sa isip-isip ko, “wow, ComRes sa UP! Astig nun! Kami kasi sa PUP nagsisimula pa lang. Sa UP matagal nang established ang course at madugo nga daw talaga sa UP. Marami kaming matutunan sa kanila lalo na sa thesis writing.”

“ComRes din ako! Sa PUP naman!” dagdag ko. Syempre, proud din ako sa course at school ko. At naexcite talaga ako!

Sabay tingin siya sa ‘kin at sinabing, “Eh siya UP.”

 

End of conversation.

Bahagyang nalungkot at nainis ako. Uwi na lang.